I think real Hope and Faith will show themselves again when we least expect it. That's my hope although very very fragile.
It's often hard to find the balance between healthy contemplation and soul-destroying introspection.
Of over-thinking stuff.
Where we feel like we're being sucked into a hole.
Life seems to be a crazy mix of special moments, regrets, what-ifs,
confusion, clarity, doubt,
stiff-upper-lip resolve, tenderness, empathy,
anger, generosity, scorekeeping, genuine love,
introspection, kindness, bitterness,
questions, fear, trust, abuse…
There's so much I can't make sense of but I'm hopefully learning - (some days better than others) - to give into and trust Providence. Whenever I lose sight of this - that there's a Creator or Spiritual Being holding all things (good and 'bad') - I get sick. I take back 'control' out of fear.
But here's the thing - it seems that God must lead us into darkness. Where we almost certainly think he's left us.
Where the voice of doubt gets very loud.
Where my lying (especially to myself) and pretense finally fade away.
Where we stare our deepest fears in the face.
Yes, even the biggest one of whether 'God' is real at all - or whether this is all one big sick lie.
Some sort of weird cosmic joke…
And then we die.
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