It feels like a reset. A reboot on every level. Things I thought I knew for certain, I now question. The things I measured myself against have either been removed or are slowly but surely being dismantled. The performance charters that still often rule my thinking aren't giving up the fight easily that's for sure and I frequently feel disoriented and displaced. Some deeply ingrained ways and patterns of thinking that I wonder will I ever be free from…

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The Voices

Sound waves illustration

So familiar
So divergent
So unwelcome
A melange
Spewing their righteous counsel
Their wisdom knows no bounds

The doubt
Ooh the self doubt
Like a sting
No, more like an ache
A deep ache
In my bones
Morning's buoyancy
The hopes of a fresh start
Quickly doused

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“Why I Am an Atheist Who Believes in God”

Frank Schaeffer's talk about his book, "Why I am an Atheist Who Believes in God", is disarmingly honest and articulate. Rather than getting fixated on the wonderfully provocative title - I think the byline "How to Give Love, Create Beauty and Find Peace" more aptly describes what Frank is trying to communicate…

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It's often hard to find the balance between healthy contemplation and soul-destroying introspection. Of over-thinking stuff. Where we feel like we're being sucked into a hole. Life seems to be a crazy mix of special moments, regrets, what-ifs, confusion, clarity, doubt, stiff-upper-lip resolve, tenderness, empathy, anger, generosity, scorekeeping, genuine love, introspection, kindness, bitterness, questions, fear, trust, abuse, hope…

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Pursuer or pursued?

A friend told me he’s reading a book on heaven. Covering things like, what do we really know about heaven? What does scripture say about it? Surely, if we are to be going somewhere, we want to know what it is like. Where is it? What is our new home going to be like? Is there just one or multiple heavens?

It got me thinking…

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Try to learn to breathe deeply, really to taste food when you eat, and when you sleep, really to sleep. Try as much as possible to be wholly alive with all your might, and when you laugh, laugh like hell. And when you get angry, get good and angry. Try to be alive. You will be dead soon enough.
— Ernest Hemingway

The Real Gospel please oh please

Religious moralistic behaviour modification stinks. It keeps us from encountering the True Gospel. I for one am questioning whether I ever really encountered this True Gospel or was I just caught up in a feel-good club (which I liked very much by the way) but had no real effect in exposing my very real need for a saviour. I can remember countless times singing alongside others, caught up in the emotion, tears streaming down my face, declaring my undying love to a god for saving me…

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So, what's your opinion?

“My concern (is) to avoid selling out our evangelical birthright to every wind of cultural criticism or trendy new idea that comes our way–I am convinced that Christianity, as an historical religion, needs to listen very carefully to its history in order to build on past strengths and avoid repetition of past mistakes–or by my desire always to provoke readers not only into thinking for themselves but, above all, into having an opinion about things that matter…”.

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Escaping the pickling jar

Jar with a pickle

Pickled beyond recognition
Partly because of my own carnal ambition
A dear price to pay for self-preservation
It seems I have been serving a god of my own religion.

Is there a way to escape this toxic juice?
Or do I just hold up a flag and declare a truce
God have mercy, for I have lost my way
All because of my propensity to stray…

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You better watch out, You better not cry…

“My observation of Christendom is that most of us tend to base our relationship with God on our performance instead of on His grace. If we’ve performed well—whatever “well” is in our opinion—then we expect God to bless us. If we haven’t done so well, our expectations are reduced accordingly. In this sense, we live by works, rather than by grace. We are saved by grace, but we are living by the “sweat” of our own performance…”

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Where is the love?

How did we get it so wrong to applaud ‘meetings’ and mans endeavours and then declare it to be a community that genuinely loves and lays down its life for its ‘members’ and the world? Apart from this turning out to be a failed experiment (in my opinion) – even within our middle class bubble – this has certainly left us numb, impotent and irrelevant to the vast majority of this planet. Surely this is a sign that we have therefore lost touch with Love itself…

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